My parents were highly intelligent individuals. My father was a maxillofacial surgeon who pioneered outpatient surgery, and my mother was a registered nurse. Despite their accomplishments, my parents were also hoarders.
One example of their hoarding was the three-foot-high pile of dental casts in our garage. These were supposedly for identifying individuals from their dental records, but in reality, it would have been nearly impossible to match a set of teeth to anything in that chaotic pile. The house was filled with piles of paper, drawers stuffed to capacity, and cabinets overflowing. After I left for college and later marriage, the clutter only got worse.
As I matured, I began to understand how trauma, overwhelming situations, and coping mechanisms influence people's behavior. I realized that while I had always been an organizer at heart, my parents struggled with emotional and executive functioning challenges that led to their hoarding.
My Safe Space Amidst Chaos
From a young age, I sought order. When I finally got my own bedroom, I kept it clean and organized. It became my sanctuary—the only organized space in an otherwise chaotic home. Maintaining it was an ongoing struggle, but it was essential for my mental well-being.
As a child, I couldn’t understand why my parents and brother didn’t want to keep the house neat. Later, I learned it wasn’t about their desires; it was about the emotional battles they were fighting. Hoarding wasn’t a choice for them—it was a symptom of deeper issues.
Understanding Hoarding: Emotional and Psychological Factors
Hoarding isn’t just about clutter; it’s tied to complex emotions and fears. Dr. Regina Lark has done an excellent job explaining how executive functioning impacts clutter and time management. Training, practice, and reinforcement are crucial for anyone trying to manage their belongings and time effectively.
As someone who grew up in a hoarding environment, I want to shed light on the emotional turmoil faced by those who struggle with hoarding disorder. Here are some common fears and emotions that drive this behavior:
1. Fear of Scarcity
Many hoarders fear they won’t be able to replace items they discard. This fear is often rooted in past financial struggles, such as living through the Great Depression, bankruptcy, or extended periods of poverty. As a result, they hold onto things far beyond their usefulness.
2. Fear of Losing Information
Some people keep magazines, papers, books, and media, afraid they’ll lose valuable information. Even without an effective filing system, the idea of discarding these items is overwhelming. While going digital seems like a solution, some hoarders prefer physical copies, believing them to be more permanent.
3. Fear of Making the Wrong Decision
Hoarders may avoid discarding items because they’re afraid of making a mistake—whether financial, social, or practical. As the Clutter Fairy in Texas says, “Clutter is unmade decisions.” This paralysis often leads to piles of items left for “later,” a time that never comes.
4. Fear of Losing Memories
For some, objects are tied to memories. Discarding an item feels like losing a piece of their past. This fear can manifest in unusual ways, such as saving empty boxes, sticks, or other items most people see as trash. Removing these objects without consent can provoke anger and distress.
5. Perfectionism and Hopelessness
Some hoarders are perfectionists who procrastinate until they can “do it right.” When that time never comes, hopelessness sets in. They may give up entirely, viewing the world through a lens of negativity.
6. Shame and Financial Constraints
Limited financial resources can lead to keeping items long past their useful life. Hoarders may feel ashamed of their situation but lack the means to replace old or broken belongings.
7. Denial
Many hoarders don’t recognize their behavior as problematic. They may believe their living conditions are normal and resist attempts to address the issue.
Addressing the Problem: Solutions and Hope
Can these emotional barriers be overcome? Yes, but it takes time, patience, and a supportive network. Here are some steps to help hoarders move forward:
1. Acknowledge the Emotion
Fear isn’t conquered with logic—it requires compassion and understanding. Listening to the person and validating their feelings is the first step toward change.
2. Speak to the Emotion
Once a hoarder identifies their fears, they can learn to address them directly. With practice and encouragement, they can begin to take control of their emotions and, by extension, their clutter.
3. Celebrate Small Wins
Progress should be acknowledged and celebrated. Reinforcing positive behaviors and pointing out improvements can help restore hope and motivation.
4. Create Touchstone Items
When moving hoarders to a new space, bring along a few meaningful “touchstone” items, such as photos, art, or sentimental objects. These items can provide comfort without overwhelming their new environment.
5. Provide Consistent Support
Whether through counseling, social work, or clergy, ongoing emotional support is crucial. Helping the individual find joy and hope in new activities can make a significant difference.